A Little Gem in Newark

Actually, I'm in Fairfield, New Jersey and the Best Western here has an AMAZING continental breakfast. Made-to-order omelets, meats, cheeses, breads, bagels, cinnamon rolls, sweet muffins, english muffins, assorted pastries, doughnuts, fruit (peaches, apples, oranges, melon), 5 different kinds of cereal (I had Cocoa Puffs this morning), hard-boiled eggs, yogurt, french toast, coffee, juice, oatmeal and all the fixin's (chocolate chips, walnuts, raisins, craisins) - is your mind boggled yet? Mine is. Per usual, I stowed away some stuff in my purse for later. Even though I have leftovers from last night. This is the same place I had dinner yesterday and it's BOMB. Love it.

I'm a little "off" today. Feeling bristled, on edge, restless - and the worst part is that I can't quite place my feelings, I just know that I'm not getting exactly what I need out of life right at this moment. And I vacillate from feeling extremely fulfilled to feeling heartily discontent. Obviously, it's my own issue because I've definitely felt this before in other times of my life. But as my feelings become more complex, my ability to explain them becomes increasingly impossible. And then (the worst happens) I retreat into myself because I feel misunderstood and I want others to read my mind. This lack of communication produces an even stronger desire to withdraw because it becomes part of a vicious cycle:

Provoking event(s)
↓
Indescribable feelings
↓
Inability to verbalize or explain emotions
↓
Feeling misunderstood and unsupported
↓
Triggers fear and automatic detachment from relationships
↓
Desire to remain disengaged from others
↓
Feeling misunderstood and unsupported
↓
Triggers fear and automatic detachment from relationships...

And suddenly, I'm completely closing myself off from people who really care. And then I get way too intellectual about my mood in an effort to be accurate (and because I'm crazy). Case-in-point: See above. (Sigh.) It's not your problem, it's mine. It's just really important to me that people understand me as I understand me. Which is virtually impossible anyways! Ergh. Perhaps that is the best way to characterize my feelings right now. Ergh. I wish I could enter my current emotions into a multiple-choice machine and it would print out a little description of my mood, then tell me what to do about it. If only.

Lesson of the day: Feelings don't always need to be explained.

I don't LIKE my lesson! Can I have a do-over?

Lesson of the day: Feelings sometimes suck. (They're unreliable and irresponsible and hard to pin down! Damn them!)