Monday, September 19, 2011

Tricking Me Out

Some people say that life is always good, but what about when it's not? I'm not indicating that my life is bad per se, I'm just in a bit of a...transition overload. (What's weird is that I was going to type holding pattern when I realized it's just the opposite.)

I can't wait until Kelly gets her groove back. Or maybe life is just a series of transitions and the trick is figuring out how to constantly be in adjustment. Well, I'll tell you right now - I'm not very good at it. (I'm just being realistic, not pessimistic. Sheeesh.)

And what about the title of this post? It's bad, non? Well, it's certainly not good. That's for damn sure.

Friday, September 16, 2011

A Fresh Start

The arrival of September inevitably brings the change of seasons from summer to fall. Today is the first day I could distinctly smell autumn in the air. And it made me feel so hopeful. This time of year is one of new beginnings: Each year for over 20 years, I was getting ready to go to school and, presumably, make my mark on the world. I was going to make new friends, get all A's, perform for Friday's big game. I was going to dance the night away with my sweetheart at Homecoming, go to college in the fall and make a really big difference, move to the big city and become an adult. I was all dreams!

Not only does the season conjure up good memories of old friends, football games, and dance team competitions, but also of trick-or-treating and bonfires and bearing down for cold, snowy winters. And being with my family. And being a Midwestern.

It's not often that we get the clean, crisp smell of fall in Seattle. Usually, September is so warm (one of our best months) and we're not buckling down for 6 long months of winter, we're boating on Lake Washington before the rain starts!

So maybe it's not necessarily the smell of new beginnings that gets me hopeful. Maybe it's the smell of nostalgia. Hopefully, I can create a life with Jason that will feel the same way: "Oh, remember when we were first married and we had to live in the really small apartment and it was just hell because we couldn't get used to being with each other all the time?" or "Gosh, it was so much work to commute all the way to Seattle from Renton. How did I do that?" or "I can't believe we were just above that noisy transit center. And it was so hot in our apartment! Remember we kept the fans on all day long?" or "Even though the first year was an adjustment, I'm so glad we're married."

I hope I can say those things in 10, 20, 35 years. Because right now, feeling ever-so nostalgic, I'd really like to be 15 years old again without a care in the world.

Friday, June 17, 2011

Home, Sweet Home

We rented an apartment on Wednesday! Our first as a couple: TOGETHER!

We're going to be living in Renton which is about 15 minutes south of Seattle. Jason works in Tacoma while I work in Seattle, so we have to split the difference.

SO EXCITING!

Just one more thing to put on the transitions list.

:)

Tuesday, June 14, 2011

Throwing Me for a Loop

Sometimes, I can't believe my life.

I came home today to find two 25-inch Samsonite suitcases in my living room.

About a month ago, I found a Dyson vacuum on my doorstep.

At my shower last week, I got a vase from Tiffany & Co and the entire All-Clad cookware set.

Who am I? What life do I have?

Sometimes, I complain for being so far away from home. Other times, I have to pinch myself to believe it all: I live in Seattle. I work at Seattle Children's Hospital. I'm getting married. This summer. To a boy I really like. I have great friends all across the country, I have a family who believes in me, I have a totally amazing guy with whom I'm going to have kids. Kids! Don't even get me started.

My brain can barely wrap around the fact that I've already hit the age of 22! How should I comprehend all of this life-changing business?

Wednesday, June 1, 2011

It's June.

And I'm going to be a Herzberg in 59 days.

AH!

Holy crap! Where has the time gone?

I'm going to be crying my hazel eyes out before we know it.

I just.can't.believe.it.

It becomes more real every day...

Wednesday, May 18, 2011

Warm, Sunny, and Under 100.

Actually, it's 73 days until we get married. Crazy shit, right? Every time the word "getting married" comes out of my mouth in reference to myself, I have an out-of-body experience. Seriously, it's surreal to me. Even with a ring on my finger and planning on my mind, I still can't believe it. This must be what happens in life. You think about your future and you have experiences that help you sift through possibilities of what you want -- Do I want to get married? Do I want to have children? Do I want to live in Africa? And when we're young, our lives become a game of "when I get older" or "when I have money" or "when I get married" or "when I have kids..." But as we age and find ourselves in those situations, it's kind of unexpected and a little unanticipated. And it's totally different than how we thought it would be. (You're fooling yourself if you think it's just like you planned.) In fact, so many people give me advice -- "Make sure you do what YOU want for YOUR wedding" -- but in truth, it's the worst advice on the market. It's nearly impossible to do what you want for a multitude of reasons.

1) What you want may not be feasible {I want to have 12 different weddings, each with a different theme...vintage, romantic, ethnic, traditional, rustic...}

2) What you thought you wanted THEN might be different from what you actually want NOW {I always thought I'd get married to a Midwestern man in Green Bay, Wisconsin...}

3) You might not be able to FIND what you want {There is no place I want to get married in Green Bay, Wisconsin...}

4) You might not be able to AFFORD what you really want {If I were crazy and rich, I would love to get the $11,o00 dress and $700 pair of shoes that I originally fell in love with...not to mention fly everyone that I love out to Seattle to celebrate our big day...}

Those are just a few reasons why "doing what you want" is pretty weak advice. Perhaps Jason and I will get married again in 15 years and we'll pull out all the stops! Or maybe, we could mirror Heidi Klum and Seal and renew our vows every year with a different themed wedding celebration! (Oh, that smells expensive to me.) Anyways, if you're really interested in giving me advice about our wedding, please keep it practical. I can always appreciate some pragmatic pointers.

In other news, I can't stop looking at Seattle weather. I'm obsessed with it! In fact, I'm going outside to enjoy it RIGHT NOW! Ciao!

Wednesday, April 13, 2011

Time After Time

I can't believe my birthday is in 9 days!!

On a separate, but related note, I can't believe it's April. I write the date almost every day at work and it still floors me every time the month changes. You would think that writing it each day would make the month seem more full, more lasting...but it doesn't. I'm still writing 3 for March and it's clearly past that. Hell, I'm still writing 2004 and it's 2011.

In any case, I'm enjoying the build-up to my birthday, just like I do annually. The beginning of April is just about the most exciting time of year for me: Flowers are blooming everywhere, people are friendlier and more active (and more attractive!), spring begins to emerge and, if I'm lucky, the smells of summer starts to bleed through on select days, making me extra hopeful for an early start to the season. I can't quite explain the feeling I get right before my big day! It's like Christmas all for me! I can't help but wake up early with anticipation and I literally bound through the day with a big smile and a happy attitude and a renewed zest for my life!

This year, in particular, feels like a new start for me. Right now, I feel like I'm not only saying goodbye to 27, but I'm also bidding adieu to my binding fears and my stubborn mindsets and my useless habits and my unhelpful ways. This is a whole new beginning for me. I'm getting married this year. I'm getting married this year! And even though wedding planning may not ring the bell of truth for most...for me, it feels very spiritual in nature. Somehow, I'm being pulled to follow my instincts (some of which I didn't even know I had) and let go and allow for life to ebb and flow as it will. Expectations must be slashed, inhibitions (arguing for what I want, having a no-nonsense attitude) must be abolished, and love somehow arises from the middle of it all. Jason and I are stronger than ever (sorry for the cliche, but it's true!) and I think we can more aptly handle each other during times of stress, frustration, and anger. Planning a wedding definitely prepares for the marriage ahead!

Overall, I feel insanely lucky to be alive, to be a part of an incredible family, to have super supportive friends, and to be marrying a person who challenges my brain, warms my heart, allows me space to grow, and keeps me the most honest version of myself. And for all of this, I feel overwhelmingly grateful!

Happy Birthday to Me!

Thursday, April 7, 2011

My Birthday List!

I turn 28 in just 2 weeks! This year, my birthday list is short because most of what I want is on my registry! And the other stuff I want is too expensive. And these days, I'm not thinking about what I want for my birthday, I'm thinking about what I want for my wedding (and my future dinner parties)!

In any case, here's the short (and expensive) list:

.A gray purse (like here, here, and here)
Background:: I have had my 25 euro purse for 4 years now and it is a sad, bacterial mess. It's time for something new. The examples above are just that, examples. I love them and I want them, but they're just to showcase what I like. Gray and structured!

.Frye boots (like here and here)
Background:: I'm still dying for these. And with a wedding on the way, there's no way I could ever justify buying them. Or, as my coworker would say, I choose NOT to afford them. But really, I can't have them because Jason won't let me. Just kidding! Haha! I'm getting married - I've gotta practice that phrase! :)

.Jimmy Choo heels (I love these)*
Background:: I have expensive taste, alright!?! I fell in absolute LOVE with these when trying them on with my wedding dress. They're SO perfect!! They are gorgeous and I would wear them with pride on my wedding day and BEYOND! Oh, these shoes. They are MOST lovely! I must have them! Can't. Step. Away. From. Shoes.

.Chanel Chance En Tendre perfume (this is it)
Background:: I've been lusting after this perfume for a few years now, and in true Kelly fashion, I will wait and wait and put it on my birthday list for at least 2 years in a row and then, inevitably, I'll buy it for myself. So, this is the last time you'll see this on the The List.

.Gift cards to Sephora, Anthropologie, Nordstrom, and iTunes
Background:: Because can't we always use gift cards for something we want? The answer is a resounding YES! Always useful to me! (PS - I can buy Jimmy Choos at Nordstrom.)

.OR you should come to my wedding. Because it's gonna be BOMB. And by BOMB, I don't mean it's going to BOMB, I mean it's gonna be DA BOMB. As in THE COOLEST WEDDING ON THE ENTIRE PLANET.

Choose wisely! You know how important my birthday is! ;)

*Important note: It's worth mentioning that if every one of my friends and family pools their money together, you could ALL buy me those Jimmy Choos! And THAT, my friends, would be the best gift EVER! (Well, perhaps the best gift ever would to have you at my wedding, but this would be a verrrry close second.)

Sunday, March 6, 2011

Living the Question.

"Be patient toward all that is unsolved in your heart and try to love the questions themselves, like locked rooms and like books that are now written in a very foreign tongue. Do not now seek the answers, which cannot be given you because you would not be able to live them. And the point is, to live everything. Live the questions now. Perhaps you will then gradually, without noticing it, live along some distant day into the answer."

Thank you Rainer Maria Wilke for writing such a gripping piece in which I have found my mantra for the year. Trusting life also means not being afraid of holding the questions. And sometimes, holding the question is just as important as knowing the answer.

Beautifully done, Mr. Rainer. May you rest in peace knowing that your lovely prose has given others their own sense of peace.

Thursday, February 10, 2011

Thank You Free Will Astrology!

I'm telling you, he's always right:

"You're very familiar with the inexhaustible longings that you harbor in your depths. Your primal hungers for love and connection are never far from your awareness. But the sad thing is that you often regard this as a problem -- as a vulnerability that disempowers you. This Valentine season I'm asking you to change all that. I'm urging you to see your enormous yearnings as strengths...to celebrate them as essential fuel for your vitality...to treat them as crucial ingredients in your lust for life. Take it from someone who has seen too many people crippled by their lack of passion: You're lucky to be so well-endowed with desire."


This shit is crazy!

Happy (almost) Vee Day!


Monday, February 7, 2011

Turn and Face the Strange

I think I'm ready for a big life change. I was walking around my apartment tonight thinking about the 5+ years I've been here. Moving from France to Green Bay to this apartment. Going through two incredibly stressful years of graduate school. Being fat because I was unhappy. Having panic attacks because I was unhappy. Moving to Green Bay during the summer and not wanting to come back because I was so unhappy. Meeting my best friend. Walking around Greenlake with her countless times and talking about life events, goals, visions, heartbreaks. Crying when she left. Getting a new job. Traveling the country. Housing others in my room. Meeting my soon-to-be husband on the job. And somehow, always coming back to my little apartment in Wedgwood with the one gray wall that's painted with an unsteady hand and the hamsa at my door to ward away evil spirits. Feels nice to have a home.

But, I'm ready for something different. A new adventure. The almighty god of horoscopes (click here to be amazed by his awesomeness) has predicted that 2011 will be my year of Vindicating Reversals. He has indicated that there are a few questions I should be asking myself in the next 6 months...

"What confusing commotion would you like to walk away from and never come back to? What lessons have you learned so well that you're overdue to graduate from them? What long-term healing process would you like to finish up so you can finally get started on the building phase that your healing will give you the power to carry out?"

Well, I think that just about sums up my preparation for a big life change. Good thing I'm ready because someone heard somewhere that I might be getting hitched. ;)

Tuesday, February 1, 2011

February is Here!

And I'm a total wimp. It's 45 degrees here and I'm cold.

Can you believe it? The Midwest is currently in the middle of one of the biggest snowstorms of the century and I'm a little popsicle in Seattle where the precipitation would be rain. (It's ultra sunny today, too. Did I mention that? Aie.)

Admittedly, I've been a little shy lately. I haven't been sharing the most important news of 2010: I'm engaged. Engaged! Most of you probably know by now, but my announcement has not been made official (unless you include Facebook). It happened over one month ago! (And I just got my ring cleaned today and it's more glittery than a disco ball!)

Monday, January 17, 2011

I'm So Proud of Myself!

I just got acupuncture for the first time yesterday afternoon! You know, me with the huge phobia of needles got acupuncture which is when someone inserts needles in your body at your own will to re-balance your Qi (pronounced "ch-ee")? Yep, I did it! I couldn't believe myself! I was so strong, so brave, so willing! For the record, not only did I do a ton of research on acupuncture before making an appointment, but also my acupuncturist was touted as the gentlest of the gentle. So, I can get on board with that.

Can you even believe it? I'm making leaps and bounds in 2011!

Sunday, January 16, 2011

My Years

Every year since 2005, I've come up with a theme to focus on for all 365 days. These themes have given me a personal cause around which to rally and I have thought about these important ideas during difficult times. So, in tribute to those years, I'd like to recount all themes and highlight what I expect from 2011...

2005 - The Year of Kelly
2006 - The Year of Living Authentically
2007 - The Year of Evolution
2008 - The Year of Divine Intervention
2009 - The Year of Gratitude
2010 - The Year of Love
2011 - The Year of Trusting Life

Yep. So 2011 is The Year of Trusting Life because in the past, I've had a year for me and I've had a year for trying to live out my authentic soul and I've had years for evolving and growing and loving and being grateful...but I haven't had a year of trusting. And I think that's exactly what I need.

So, this year is all about letting go and letting the processes of life happen the way they will. I trust that life will be good for me and that I don't need to have control of everything. I trust that great things come to me and all is well in the world.

I trust the process of life.