I Have a Serious Problem.

I've become attached to my pens. I have a favorite and then *BOOM* I can't ever let it go. And what's worse is that I actually lament, I actually grieve if I happen to lose my "pen of the moment." This problem is almost as bad as my addiction to my cell phone. Right now, my favorite pen is a black fine-tipped Pro-Fit Papermate. Gosh, she's a beauty. I love her.

Just yesterday, I ate at a great riverside restaurant in Harrisburg, Pennsylvania called Duke's Bar and Grille. I ate the tuscan grilled cheese with the tomato florentine soup (super yummy) while I pondered life. One of my wonderments: Why do people live where they live? I mean, I GET that deciding on a life location may be a no-brainer for some people and they make a choice based on their family, their job, or their spouse. But I still wonder about it all because there are SO MANY different places to be. Different cities in which to live. In particular, I was looking (staring) at two beautiful women who were eating at the same restaurant and I was wondering why they live in Harrisburg. Of all places in the world, why there? It's not my intention to bash Harrisburg (hey, it's right next to Hershey!) or Pennsylvania (one of the most beautiful landscapes of any state I've visited), I'm just saying - WHY HERE? Why not Newburgh, New York? Or Roswell, New Mexico? Or Pasadena, California? Or Omaha, Nebraska? Or Victoria, British Columbia? Or Lausanne, Switzerland? Or Moscow? Or Tokyo? Or New Zealand? Why Harrisburg? Often times, I wish I could live this life 5 more times, just to squeeze all of the possibilities out of it. What if I'm interested in 20 different jobs and I want to pursue all of them? What if I am interested in 20 different men and I want to pursue all of them? What if part of me wants children and part of me doesn't? Shouldn't I have multiple different, separate lives with relatively similar circumstances during which I can explore all of my options? I think that would be brilliant. The wave of the future! The next big thing!

In other news, I have discovered which is my favorite kind of M&M. Are you ready? It's for sure the almond one. That IS the best. Far superior to the others. (Even the original.) It's been a candy-coated week for me: I have been to Hershey, Pennsylvania 3 times in the last week. Three times! Once because I had time to spare and wanted to see the candy kiss light posts, once because my colleague had read Milton Hershey's biography and wanted to see his endowed school, and once because we didn't get a chance to go on the chocolate tour, so we had to go back. It was all worth it! I love candy. We were even privileged enough to smell the peanut butter blowing from the Reese's factory as we drove into town. Yum!

Tonight, I'm flying from Philadelphia (I'm actually across the border in Cherry Hill, New Jersey) to Seattle and tomorrow, I'm working in Seattle with one of my favorite colleagues. Then, it's a relaxing weekend at home where I'll do a few errands before flying out to Richmond, Virginia on Sunday morning. I'm literally spending all of my March on the east coast save one weekend when I'll be in Green Bay.

Oh, and before I go, I must tell you all about my experience in Bethlehem, Pennsylvania at Looper's with their one million martinis! So, I DID decide to stop by the restaurant before driving to State College and I was pleased when I walked inside to find not only a pleasant atmosphere, but also an extremely attractive black man who was ready to take my martini order. (The reason I mention his race is because he was wearing a shirt that said "Chocolate is the new green" and by golly, he was right and he was HOT. Some mighty fine chocolate for sure. I would take a bit out of him and I wouldn't be sorry!) When he handed me the list of martinis, I was certain I was going to pass out just by proximity. And that list. Phew! That list is not for the faint of heart. (No pun intended.) For someone as indecisive as myself, it was mighty helpful to have a knowledgeable (and luscious) bartender waiting to be of assistance.

I waffled between the "Pineapple Upside Down," the "Thigh High Holster," and the "Happy Freakin' Birthday" for a while (great names, right?), but ultimately, I settled on "Happy Hollyday" with Mr. Hottie Bartender's help. From what I can recall, this martini was shaken (not stirred) with an appealing mix of raspberry schnapps, raspberry liquor, cranberry juice, and pomegranate juice. When I took my first sip, I was delightfully surprised by it's flavor: it ran down smooth with a taste of old-fashioned raspberry soda pop and it was full of texture. Frothy. Creamy. Fruity. Refreshing. Delicious.

It set me back a healthy $10 (I can't say I wasn't surprised!) plus tip, but it was well worth the eye candy, the time to think, the scrumptiousness, and the experience!

Make Bethlehem Glitter, Please Don't Litter

Well, then good thing I'm not going to trash talk Bethlehem. And for a town of "nearly 72,000 people in eastern Pennsylvania," (according to their official website) they have some dang good restaurants here! 

Now, I don't know what I've been doing on this blog for the past 18 months, but it's all going to change based on the vision I had today. I'm telling you: For my love of good eating, great food, and fabulous restaurants, why in Mary and Joseph's sake (I AM in Bethlehem...) have I not been focusing my writing towards all things edible in our world? I've turned over a new leaf and it starts today. (Disclaimer: Petty life happenings will still be included.) 

Bethlehem is a quaint town nestled between the rolling hills of eastern Pennsylvania. You might think, upon arrival, that you have already been to many places like this before, but you'd be wrong. In reality, you have stumbled upon a gem of a city. A little diamond in the rough, if you will. Home to the historical and once-world-famous Bethlehem Steel Factory as well as both Lehigh and Moravian Universities, this place was once the treasure-trove of Pennsylvania...I think.

Last night, when "yelping" (you do realize this is a verb of the internet era?) local restaurants, I found a trendy place in the old downtown area called Bethlehem Brew Works. Let me tell you folks, I was not disappointed in my first course which consisted of spinach salad with candied walnuts, dried cranberries, and green apples finished with a cinnamon vinaigrette and topped with crumbled blue cheese. Nor was I unhappy with my pancetta macaroni and cheese entree which featured a creamy blend of asiago, fontina, and white cheddar cheeses pancetta bacon and fussily pasta sprinkled with buttered bread crumbs and served with plum tomatoes stewed in their flagship ESB and Italian spices. Don't take it from me, look at their menu! I completed my meal with a cold glass of their Steelgaarden Wit beer (brewed in-house) which was smooth, light, and crisp...the perfect compliment to my hearty spinach and pasta. 

This morning, I headed over to Vegan Treats to try out what some of the locals say are the best cakes and brownies (vegan or not vegan) in all of Pennsylvania. Of course, I had to be in on this dirty little secret, too, so I ordered way too much stuff (duh) including a raspberry crumble bar, a peanut butter mousse brownie, and a chocolate mint cookie...and I "desserted" my way right through lunch. I discovered that, yes it's true, YOU CAN'T EVEN TELL YOU'RE EATING VEGAN. Which is kind of the point, right? At least to my lactose-intolerant friend it is. 

In just a few minutes, if I'm feeling up to it, I'm going to head down to Loopers Grille and Bar to sample one of their 400+ martinis. And there's even a little chocolate shop right down the street (though I've already had plenty of chocolate today). After that, I'm stopping in Hershey (do you see a theme?) before driving on to State College tonight. 

XO.

A Little Gem in Newark

Actually, I'm in Fairfield, New Jersey and the Best Western here has an AMAZING continental breakfast. Made-to-order omelets, meats, cheeses, breads, bagels, cinnamon rolls, sweet muffins, english muffins, assorted pastries, doughnuts, fruit (peaches, apples, oranges, melon), 5 different kinds of cereal (I had Cocoa Puffs this morning), hard-boiled eggs, yogurt, french toast, coffee, juice, oatmeal and all the fixin's (chocolate chips, walnuts, raisins, craisins) - is your mind boggled yet? Mine is. Per usual, I stowed away some stuff in my purse for later. Even though I have leftovers from last night. This is the same place I had dinner yesterday and it's BOMB. Love it.

I'm a little "off" today. Feeling bristled, on edge, restless - and the worst part is that I can't quite place my feelings, I just know that I'm not getting exactly what I need out of life right at this moment. And I vacillate from feeling extremely fulfilled to feeling heartily discontent. Obviously, it's my own issue because I've definitely felt this before in other times of my life. But as my feelings become more complex, my ability to explain them becomes increasingly impossible. And then (the worst happens) I retreat into myself because I feel misunderstood and I want others to read my mind. This lack of communication produces an even stronger desire to withdraw because it becomes part of a vicious cycle:

Provoking event(s)
↓
Indescribable feelings
↓
Inability to verbalize or explain emotions
↓
Feeling misunderstood and unsupported
↓
Triggers fear and automatic detachment from relationships
↓
Desire to remain disengaged from others
↓
Feeling misunderstood and unsupported
↓
Triggers fear and automatic detachment from relationships...

And suddenly, I'm completely closing myself off from people who really care. And then I get way too intellectual about my mood in an effort to be accurate (and because I'm crazy). Case-in-point: See above. (Sigh.) It's not your problem, it's mine. It's just really important to me that people understand me as I understand me. Which is virtually impossible anyways! Ergh. Perhaps that is the best way to characterize my feelings right now. Ergh. I wish I could enter my current emotions into a multiple-choice machine and it would print out a little description of my mood, then tell me what to do about it. If only.

Lesson of the day: Feelings don't always need to be explained.

I don't LIKE my lesson! Can I have a do-over?

Lesson of the day: Feelings sometimes suck. (They're unreliable and irresponsible and hard to pin down! Damn them!)

Coolest Thing Ever!

www.hoopladoopla.com

It's for real! I just saw it on the news!

Kelly the Drunkard

I always get a little more contemplative when I'm drunk. And a little more sappy, a little more reflective, a little more existential, a little less coherent. I spent over an hour at dinner tonight - chowing down on an amazing arugula and pine nut salad, a yummy eggplant penne pasta with fresh tomato sauce, lovely cheese-filled garlic bread, and chocolate ice cream profiteroles with cinnamon-covered walnuts. Oh, and I had a glass of wine. (Of course.) I'm telling you, this meal was incredible and I enjoyed every bite. My palate was delighted. I also spent that hour plus pondering my life as I know it.

I was thinking: Will I ever have everything I want in life? I mean, there are things...things that I want for myself...things that may never happen in this lifetime of mine. I don't know if I'm content with that. Am I? Can I really have everything that I really want? Is that even possible? How can I travel the world while dancing for a living and being fluent in French and raising a family and acting in a successful (world-famous?) Broadway show and writing an award-winning (life-changing?) memoir AND have all the people I love and who make a difference in my life gathered in the same city? This, I tell you, THIS cannot physically happen. This will not work. And for God's sake, I don't even know if I'm GOOD at any of these things! I haven't even TRIED half of the shit that I want! How can I even want it if I don't know what it's like or if I can do it? (Sigh.) I guess I'm a dreamer in all senses of the word. But don't miracles happen for dreamers like me? (I don't even think a miracle could take care of my "life wish list.") Dang, I wish I was more of a risk-taker. ARGH! Do you ever get so frustrated with yourself that you want to explode?!

I do!

I Forget about Diner Food.

There is so much of it! I went to a trendy little (well, actually, it was quite large) diner for dinner tonight and, as always, ordered WAY TOO MUCH food. (Dang! I do that all the time!) When I got it back to my hotel room, I was (pleasantly?) surprised that the salad was practically doubled and my matzo ball soup (hey, I'm in Jersey, what else would I have?) container was HUGE! Good Lord. I hate wasting food, so I usually keep it for the next day, but this time, I couldn't do it. Nope, not me. (I'm growing. I mean, my mind is growing, not my waistline.) I, Kelly Anne, actually threw food away (gasp)! Can you believe it? It's a transformative moment and I'm so happy you all are here to share (read) it with me.

In other news, I'm loving the rawness and trashiness of Jersey. It's so great here! I walked into a restaurant last night and found the Jersey dream...a young girl (about 17) with big black hair piled on her head and white pencil rimming her black eyes with shimmery pink lipstick and a beautiful Jersey accent. It was the definition of New Jersey right there before me in a living and breathing person. I wanted to take her all in, but my breadsticks were waiting and I didn't want them to get cold.

Today was a rather interesting day, as there was a HUGE storm that ravaged through the Northeastern states and canceled schools all over the New York and New Jersey areas. My colleague and I finished our work around 12:30pm (unheard of in this business) and drove to our next location (the delightful city of Edison, NJ) by 2pm. So, I've been chilling and working out and calling my insurance company and watching television and entertaining myself for the past 9 hours. It's on the rare occasion that I'm able to relax so heartily. It takes effort on my part.

Tomorrow, we're driving to Newark, then Allentown, then State College, and finally, I will spend the weekend in NYC. I haven't been there since high school (2000), so I believe there's lots to see and I'm ready for it. Besides high tea at the Ritz-Carlton on Saturday, we've nothing to do! Sounds like a beautiful prospect to me...

City Jitters.

I don't know if I'll ever be content with living in Seattle. I've got a "roaming eye" (so to speak) when it comes to cities. I always see something a little better and when the city jitters strike, I'm ready to move. Let me explain.

Minneapolis showed me a beautiful time this weekend as did my cousin and two dear friends. When leaving the Cities, it often feels bittersweet and filled with nostalgia - the times I've had in that place will go unmatched forever. This evening, I flew into Philadelphia and took a detour before checking into my hotel in Cherry Hill. I decided to get a Philly cheesesteak sandwich from Jim's Steaks and my GPS (yes, I'm using one now) took me to this adorable little neighborhood called Society Hill where I found Jim's (and no parking). While ordering my "provolone cheesesteak with onions," it struck me: Seattle has no ethnic diversity, no historical heritage, no tiny streets and row houses and bad neighborhoods and weird accents. Don't get me wrong. Seattle is a vibrant, healthy, gorgeous, lively city. But what if that's not what I want? What if I want a grimy, used, well-worn, brash beauty of a city instead? What if I want to try that for a while? I mean, Philly ain't no piece of heaven, but it's a city with roots. And history. And maybe it would benefit me to live in a place where I'm exposed to those cultural differences.