Holy Moly.

It's October. And I'm alone. And I'm feeling abandoned. And I sure hope I'm PMSing because the feelings I'm having are ruining my last few days in Seattle before I start traveling. Sure, my childhood friend KB flies in this afternoon and sure, I have a great network of friends in the area and sure, JH is a terrific bf and sure, I'm finally starting work again, but I'm feeling the heavy weight of change and I don't like it one bit. I have no roommates, I have no KR, I have no family. I only have myself and I'm feeling insecure.

I'm in victim mentality mode again and I think it has to do with money. Feeling like it controls me, like I don't have any, like it's making decisions about my life without consulting me. And it makes me ornary. And it makes me irritable. And then I have trouble expressing myself.

Last night, I was acting passive when I was really upset. I think therapy is the right place for me at the moment. I just want a safe haven, a secure and warm area where I can go to cry. Or sleep. Or regain control. Like Grandma's arms...

I may have lots of friends in Seattle, but that doesn't make up for the fact that everyone to whom I can cry has left me for dead. Thrown me under the bus. I just want to feel safe again!