Home, Sweet Home

We rented an apartment on Wednesday! Our first as a couple: TOGETHER!

We're going to be living in Renton which is about 15 minutes south of Seattle. Jason works in Tacoma while I work in Seattle, so we have to split the difference.

SO EXCITING!

Just one more thing to put on the transitions list.

:)

Throwing Me for a Loop

Sometimes, I can't believe my life.

I came home today to find two 25-inch Samsonite suitcases in my living room.

About a month ago, I found a Dyson vacuum on my doorstep.

At my shower last week, I got a vase from Tiffany & Co and the entire All-Clad cookware set.

Who am I? What life do I have?

Sometimes, I complain for being so far away from home. Other times, I have to pinch myself to believe it all: I live in Seattle. I work at Seattle Children's Hospital. I'm getting married. This summer. To a boy I really like. I have great friends all across the country, I have a family who believes in me, I have a totally amazing guy with whom I'm going to have kids. Kids! Don't even get me started.

My brain can barely wrap around the fact that I've already hit the age of 22! How should I comprehend all of this life-changing business?

It's June.

And I'm going to be a Herzberg in 59 days.

AH!

Holy crap! Where has the time gone?

I'm going to be crying my hazel eyes out before we know it.

I just.can't.believe.it.

It becomes more real every day...

Warm, Sunny, and Under 100.

Actually, it's 73 days until we get married. Crazy shit, right? Every time the word "getting married" comes out of my mouth in reference to myself, I have an out-of-body experience. Seriously, it's surreal to me. Even with a ring on my finger and planning on my mind, I still can't believe it. This must be what happens in life. You think about your future and you have experiences that help you sift through possibilities of what you want -- Do I want to get married? Do I want to have children? Do I want to live in Africa? And when we're young, our lives become a game of "when I get older" or "when I have money" or "when I get married" or "when I have kids..." But as we age and find ourselves in those situations, it's kind of unexpected and a little unanticipated. And it's totally different than how we thought it would be. (You're fooling yourself if you think it's just like you planned.) In fact, so many people give me advice -- "Make sure you do what YOU want for YOUR wedding" -- but in truth, it's the worst advice on the market. It's nearly impossible to do what you want for a multitude of reasons.

1) What you want may not be feasible {I want to have 12 different weddings, each with a different theme...vintage, romantic, ethnic, traditional, rustic...}

2) What you thought you wanted THEN might be different from what you actually want NOW {I always thought I'd get married to a Midwestern man in Green Bay, Wisconsin...}

3) You might not be able to FIND what you want {There is no place I want to get married in Green Bay, Wisconsin...}

4) You might not be able to AFFORD what you really want {If I were crazy and rich, I would love to get the $11,o00 dress and $700 pair of shoes that I originally fell in love with...not to mention fly everyone that I love out to Seattle to celebrate our big day...}

Those are just a few reasons why "doing what you want" is pretty weak advice. Perhaps Jason and I will get married again in 15 years and we'll pull out all the stops! Or maybe, we could mirror Heidi Klum and Seal and renew our vows every year with a different themed wedding celebration! (Oh, that smells expensive to me.) Anyways, if you're really interested in giving me advice about our wedding, please keep it practical. I can always appreciate some pragmatic pointers.

In other news, I can't stop looking at Seattle weather. I'm obsessed with it! In fact, I'm going outside to enjoy it RIGHT NOW! Ciao!

Time After Time

I can't believe my birthday is in 9 days!!

On a separate, but related note, I can't believe it's April. I write the date almost every day at work and it still floors me every time the month changes. You would think that writing it each day would make the month seem more full, more lasting...but it doesn't. I'm still writing 3 for March and it's clearly past that. Hell, I'm still writing 2004 and it's 2011.

In any case, I'm enjoying the build-up to my birthday, just like I do annually. The beginning of April is just about the most exciting time of year for me: Flowers are blooming everywhere, people are friendlier and more active (and more attractive!), spring begins to emerge and, if I'm lucky, the smells of summer starts to bleed through on select days, making me extra hopeful for an early start to the season. I can't quite explain the feeling I get right before my big day! It's like Christmas all for me! I can't help but wake up early with anticipation and I literally bound through the day with a big smile and a happy attitude and a renewed zest for my life!

This year, in particular, feels like a new start for me. Right now, I feel like I'm not only saying goodbye to 27, but I'm also bidding adieu to my binding fears and my stubborn mindsets and my useless habits and my unhelpful ways. This is a whole new beginning for me. I'm getting married this year. I'm getting married this year! And even though wedding planning may not ring the bell of truth for most...for me, it feels very spiritual in nature. Somehow, I'm being pulled to follow my instincts (some of which I didn't even know I had) and let go and allow for life to ebb and flow as it will. Expectations must be slashed, inhibitions (arguing for what I want, having a no-nonsense attitude) must be abolished, and love somehow arises from the middle of it all. Jason and I are stronger than ever (sorry for the cliche, but it's true!) and I think we can more aptly handle each other during times of stress, frustration, and anger. Planning a wedding definitely prepares for the marriage ahead!

Overall, I feel insanely lucky to be alive, to be a part of an incredible family, to have super supportive friends, and to be marrying a person who challenges my brain, warms my heart, allows me space to grow, and keeps me the most honest version of myself. And for all of this, I feel overwhelmingly grateful!

Happy Birthday to Me!

My Birthday List!

I turn 28 in just 2 weeks! This year, my birthday list is short because most of what I want is on my registry! And the other stuff I want is too expensive. And these days, I'm not thinking about what I want for my birthday, I'm thinking about what I want for my wedding (and my future dinner parties)!

In any case, here's the short (and expensive) list:

.A gray purse (like here, here, and here)
Background:: I have had my 25 euro purse for 4 years now and it is a sad, bacterial mess. It's time for something new. The examples above are just that, examples. I love them and I want them, but they're just to showcase what I like. Gray and structured!

.Frye boots (like here and here)
Background:: I'm still dying for these. And with a wedding on the way, there's no way I could ever justify buying them. Or, as my coworker would say, I choose NOT to afford them. But really, I can't have them because Jason won't let me. Just kidding! Haha! I'm getting married - I've gotta practice that phrase! :)

.Jimmy Choo heels (I love these)*
Background:: I have expensive taste, alright!?! I fell in absolute LOVE with these when trying them on with my wedding dress. They're SO perfect!! They are gorgeous and I would wear them with pride on my wedding day and BEYOND! Oh, these shoes. They are MOST lovely! I must have them! Can't. Step. Away. From. Shoes.

.Chanel Chance En Tendre perfume (this is it)
Background:: I've been lusting after this perfume for a few years now, and in true Kelly fashion, I will wait and wait and put it on my birthday list for at least 2 years in a row and then, inevitably, I'll buy it for myself. So, this is the last time you'll see this on the The List.

.Gift cards to Sephora, Anthropologie, Nordstrom, and iTunes
Background:: Because can't we always use gift cards for something we want? The answer is a resounding YES! Always useful to me! (PS - I can buy Jimmy Choos at Nordstrom.)

.OR you should come to my wedding. Because it's gonna be BOMB. And by BOMB, I don't mean it's going to BOMB, I mean it's gonna be DA BOMB. As in THE COOLEST WEDDING ON THE ENTIRE PLANET.

Choose wisely! You know how important my birthday is! ;)

*Important note: It's worth mentioning that if every one of my friends and family pools their money together, you could ALL buy me those Jimmy Choos! And THAT, my friends, would be the best gift EVER! (Well, perhaps the best gift ever would to have you at my wedding, but this would be a verrrry close second.)

Living the Question.

"Be patient toward all that is unsolved in your heart and try to love the questions themselves, like locked rooms and like books that are now written in a very foreign tongue. Do not now seek the answers, which cannot be given you because you would not be able to live them. And the point is, to live everything. Live the questions now. Perhaps you will then gradually, without noticing it, live along some distant day into the answer."

Thank you Rainer Maria Wilke for writing such a gripping piece in which I have found my mantra for the year. Trusting life also means not being afraid of holding the questions. And sometimes, holding the question is just as important as knowing the answer.

Beautifully done, Mr. Rainer. May you rest in peace knowing that your lovely prose has given others their own sense of peace.