Seattle Sun: A Conundrum

It's a sunny and beautiful (albeit cold) start to December as I sit here writing this at my kitchen table with the sun streaming through the window and onto my face. It's quite remarkable how much the climate can affect one's mood. The crisp, cool weather reminds me of Wisconsin winters and I instantly want to bundle up before going outside. It also makes me miss traveling. Snow in Chicago. Balminess in Sacramento. Frozen rain in New Jersey. Sometimes, I wish I was enjoying a morning breakfast at the Holiday Inn West in Portland, Maine instead of getting up at 10am and wondering what to do with my day. Unscheduled time is my worst enemy, I swear. Some people may relish in it, but it only makes me overwhelmed to think of all the possibilities the day could hold. Inevitably, I sit on the computer or in bed for much too long before ambling around the kitchen to make myself a half-ass brunch. I may be a bit more tired, but on the days I am fully booked, I am way more productive!

I guess I've learned a lot about myself in the last six months of job searching. I've discovered that I am a true commitment-phobe in every sense of the word and that a large part of my self-esteem depends on my connection to a purpose or a goal or a schedule or a path or a plan. I've found that depression can be situational and that I am susceptible to crying on a daily basis if my mood calls for it. Unemployment has also taught me that I do well spending little money. I've made only a bit of money last for quite a long time. (Thanks Mom, you've taught me well.)

I'm off for a walk around the neighborhood and then a much-needed visit to Starbucks for a peppermint mocha and a session of reflective journaling.

Cheers!